In Through the Out Door

I can't remember when I first started hearing George Winston.  My mom loved his music.  She always wanted a grand piano but always had to settle for a turn table and two speakers that looked like they were from a 60's rummage sale.  She would blare his music through out the house.  That ol George has been telling me stories ever since.   Winter and Autumn and even sometimes Summer would take me on wordless journeys.  Lift my soul.  The kinds of stories that don't have pictures or words.  The kind that just lift your soul and lose you in thoughts you can't ever regain.  Kind of like a dream that suddenly leaves you as you open your eyes.

I recently discovered an odd thing about music like this.  As I became very interested in meditation to soothe my soul I found it extremely hard to meditate the "normal" way.  That is sitting there doing nothing to music or worse, silence.  Emptying your mind.   Empty your vessel.... 

Ok.  To be completely honest with you there isn't nothing short of a nuclear bomb that is going to pry my mind from its thoughts.  It has been craftily weaving them through out my cranium for the past 32 years and they aren't letting go.  I can't.  Meditate per se.

Most of my pre-meditated meditations end up fruitless.  I set up the candles.  Get the music going.  Have my comfy clothes on or salt bath ready and make sure no one is bothering me.  And I sit there trying to get comfortable and breathing correctly for the next 45 minutes and next thing I know its over.  The nice thing is I've never become frustrated because my millions of A.D.D. thoughts have kept me busy and distracted the entire time.  So I did what I always do when I hit a wall.  I consulted the guru.  The internet.

There actually is a form of A.D.D. meditation!  At least as prescribed by others with A.D.D.  And wasn't it interesting to me?  Let me tell you just how so!  The woman I read about said she goes into nature and just sits and stares at something for awhile and sorta zones out.  And when that stops being her zone she just simply adjusts her focus to something else.  A leaf.  A flower.  Whatever suits her fancy.  She said lots of other really cool and funny things but I'll let you check it out here.

I thought about that a long time.  Like five minutes.  And I realized I'd already been meditating since I was a young child.  Since my family had introduced me to music like George Winston and my two other favorites Desert Vision and Natural States.   I would sit in my room for hours and just lay there doing nothing but listening and zoning out to this music.  I also would spend hours on end listening to other types of music and drawing.  I wasn't a very athletic child.  

I think I just have my own strange way of meditating that doesn't necessarily require me to still my mind at all but rather just letting it flow instead.  It becomes a river of thoughts and certain ones become accentuated.  But I guess that is what they define meditation as anyway but I never really figured out their version.  I guess I'm in through the out door as usual.  A.D.D. really just stands for always doing (it) different.