Opinions

"We cling to our own point of view,

as though everything depended upon it.

Yet our opinions have no permanence; like 

autumn and winter, they gradually pass away."

-Chuang Tzu

Just recently I have been reading and getting a lot of wisdom about not seeing things as right or wrong.  Our judgements often getting in the way of other people's paths and even more so, our own.  Every time we pass a judgement on others or ourselves we are saying what is- should not be.  We get in the way of ourselves and others and God when we say something isn't "normal" or that something isn't "right" or even that we made a wrong decision.  

Even watching the pain my mom or brother or a stranger goes through and I have to sit back idly and helpless as the pain slowly carves them down.  Wears down their ego or pride or whatever lesson it is they are learning.  Taking them as far down as they need to go to get rid of that infection for good.

One of the strangest things I have ever heard was that we shouldn't even pray for each other.  To me this was shocking to hear.  Why wouldn't we pray for one another?  Why wouldn't we want to help each other?  But then he said how do we know what is going on in that person's life?  Even worse their spiritual journey!  How do we know even our best intentions are what that person needs or wants?  How do we really know?  I think of this in comparison to my mom telling me she was praying for my soul so I won't end up in hell and that she is sorry I have back slidden.  I told her I've never been closer to God in my life (just not in her way)!  But with her beliefs, how can she truly pray for me if she doesn't know my truth?  I guess these prayers would just not be effective.  Its just such an interesting thing to ponder isn't it?  I fill it with "what ifs" as I roll it around on my brain.  If someone had prayed to take away all of my pain I'm not sure I'd want them to.  At some point in my life as I continue to strive harder than I ever have before I know that every pit in my heart that was caused by pain will eventually be filled with a love it can't contain.  Even artists convey the beauty of negative space. 

I don't know who I am to have carried on as I have with pain.  I don't know why I didn't get a hard heart while others did.  I don't know why I choose to seek and others don't.  I'm not really sure of any identity issues like that, but I am glad for who I am.

I am glad I can still love and look forward to that day that the deepest darkest spots in my heart will be over flowing with love for the people that "created" them in me.  I will be thanking every person that ever hurt me because they made me grow and become stronger.  They had to sacrifice some of their own well being to create a negative space so that I could have a positive lesson.

Just like in an artist's creation, negative space has its place too and ends up creating a beautiful masterpiece at the end.  Pain is necessary for growth.  There are few people that can empathize with others if they haven't gone through the same situation.  So even in our pain we also have the ability to use our pain to support others going through similar situations.  And what is "right" for me and the group of people I am suppose to reach and be reached by may not be "right" for the group you're supposed to touch and be touched by.  

And I think as we change and evolve through life so will the people that we help.  I hope I will be able to have a family of people that will surrogate for my own.  At least for now.  I hope I will have friends that will help me continue moving forward.  Help me with my daughter.   Its been tough raising her.  I hope I've been strong enough for her since I am flying by the seat of my pants.  I guess we all are.

This also makes me realize why it is so important to be myself.  For so long I've reached out to do what others want.  Please what others need.  I thought that was what I was supposed to do.  I thought that would win me friends.  It didn't.  It was a big "no" from God because I wasn't being me.  I wasn't loving me.  I was trying to reach into another group of people that I didn't belong to.  I was leaving myself and others I am here to help, in the dark.  I have to be me through and through so that will reflect out to others and they can recognize me and be drawn in.  Then we can work together.  If I don't put up the right sign, those I connect with will keep going by me and not see.   So all the friends and family I had in my life before 4 years ago weren't meant to come with me.  They were what is pushing me towards all of you in my future.  

So I guess that is why opinions fade and change as we grow.  They seem to be the epitome of slowing us down.  If we stop to form too many opinions and judgements we get tangled up in a web of logic that isn't even valid after time has its way with it.